Monday, April 7, 2014

Accomplishments and Failures

Good afternoon to you all. It's been a very long time since I posted here. And that's okay with me. I just like to know that this blog is here, for when I'm feeling weak, when I need a reminder of what's important to me.

And today is one of those days. I have some accomplishments and some failures that I want to talk about and to get off my chest.

First, the accomplishments!

-Ian and I have finally moved to the city. We moved in August, actually, and have been living the city life for eight happy months. No, I did not fit all my stuff in one car-load but Ian and I donated two minivans-full of stuff before our move. And we donated another car-load after our move. And we just donated more things last weekend. Figuring out what we really need to be happy is a work in progress. We're just as happy (if not happier in a lot of ways) living in our small-ish apartment than we were in our two story house with full basement and garage.

-We moved to an apartment just under 2 miles from my work, which was a goal I set for myself over 3 years ago. We also live half a mile from an awesome co-op grocery store. Ian and I walk there for small grocery runs and plan to shop there more often now that the snow has melted. And for better or for worse, we also live half a mile from an old timey ice cream parlor that has the best cookies and cream ice cream I've ever tasted!

-I walk to work and back every day (with very few exceptions). I have since August. I walked through the worst heat-wave I can remember. I walked through rain and wind. I walked almost every day through the coldest Minnesota winter in 20 years. If it was warmer than -40 degree wind-chill, I walked. I bought boots, I dressed in layers, I figured out how to stay warm. It was an amazing challenge for this indoor-loving girl. But I did it and I am very proud of myself. I have a goal to walk 1,000 miles in 2014 which includes walks to work, restaurants, shopping, meetings and walks just for fun. I'm up to 162 miles so far...I have a lot to go!

Change can be a truly wonderful gift, as I've experienced firsthand. It can also be so wonderful and exciting that it's easy to lose focus on other important aspects of life. It's taken me a while to notice but I have let some things slide.

-I've been spending a lot of money. I don't exactly know where it's going but I know it's too much. I want to save for my future, for trips to far-away lands, for expensive and nutritious food at the co-op down the street. I'm keeping track of everything I spend and re-focusing on the necessities. I'm working to find some balance.

-I have a new hobby and with that comes lots of new supplies to buy and store. This is where lots of my money is going. It's fun to buy things and make things but I now have more yarn than I will ever be able to use in my entire lifetime. And that makes me sad. And yet I still want to buy more yarn. Just to have it for someday, just in case, just because it's pretty. But this too must stop. I have enough. The yarn can live at the store until I need it. And I won't need it for many, many years.

-I eat way, way too much. Walking every day has increased my appetite but that's not the whole truth. The truth is that I have no interest in controlling my portions when we're eating delicious food. And Ian and I make some really delicious meals! I want to be someone who eats for nutrition and pleasure. I think both are important. But moderation is also important.

-I used to be vegan. And then I was mostly vegan. And now I eat cheese and sometimes (although rarely) eggs which, if I'm being honest with myself, makes me just a plain old vegetarian. And that bothers me. I am making bad choices. I'm allowing my love of all things cheesy to be my excuse for harming animals. And dairy and egg farming does harm animals. And harm is really just a polite word for torture. I've seen things that can be described no other way. I do not want to be the kind of person who ignores suffering in exchange for pleasure. Nothing in the world is that delicious. And even still, I know I will have to remind myself every day. It will be hard but I will try and I will be better.

Now that I have put my feelings and failures into words, I see that there are obvious paths towards change. I must simply start walking. And we all know that I CAN do I'm off to a good start.